AMERICA, FUCK YEAH!!!!!!!!!
So I had what had to have been one of the most craziest, unexpected and insanely bizarre weekends of my life. And I'm not even exaggerating or being a drama queen like usual.
It all started because of World Cup Fever. I blame it on soccer. Ok, and beer. Ok and inexplicable chemistry between two polar opposites that makes no fucking sense whatsoever.
I have been being friendly with a particular ex-boyfriend who I have mentioned in passing several times. (This would be the one who likened my drunken antics to an NFL linebacker. Also the one whose sister and I don't seem to get along.) I've said it before and I'll say it again, we really make each other laugh like crazy, so I thought we could do the friend thing and you know, just be chill like that.
Have I ever mentioned before that sometimes I am the dumbest blonde in the history of blondes? Ever heard that joke, about the emergency at the mall, when the escalator broke down and a blonde got stuck for hours? Or how about the one where the blonde got stuck on the roof? You know, because she heard drinks were on the house? All these blondes getting themselves in crazy situations. I'm pretty sure these are all based on me and the various insane and/or stupid situations I manage to get myself into on a seemingly regular basis.
I was conversating with said ex-boyfriend over the internets while bored at work last week. We were talking about how we both wanted to watch the USA v. Italy match at a fun bar, but neither of us had anyone to go with. Somehow this inevitably led to us agreeing to go together. Part of me was skeptical, largely because I knew booze would get involved and it did occur to me that this had the potential to be a very dangerous equation. But I guess I just figured that we were mature adults who were above drunken escapades and that we could just, you know, BE CHILL. (I'm not going to start talking about how I'm a dumb blonde again despite it's relevance to the last sentence I just wrote.) So we agreed to meet around 1 and headed to Lucky Bar to catch the end of The Ghana v. Czech match and try to find seats (hahaha yeah that didn't happen) for the 3 pm USA game.
The bar was packed, the atmosphere was great. I-66 wasn't kidding when he described the goosebumps and good feelings one gets as an entire bar sings the National Anthem. If you can imagine a somewhat large bar with about 3 "floors" filled completely to probably twice its legal capacity if not more, all singing the National Anthem and chanting "USA", boy it was an amazing thing to be a part of and I am so glad I got to experience that. I also have to give mad props to the person who came up with the idea to start singing the Team America World Police theme song. It is a unique experience in its own to be in a bar full of drunks all screaming, "AMERICA!!! FUCK YEAH!!!!" at the top of their lungs. Oh if only I had had a video camera, it was priceless. I kind of want to go back for Thursday's match but it's at 10 am and A. I won't have anyone to go with that early, B. It's my birthday and I might want to sleep late, C. I have lots of preparations to make for the Champagne and Cupcakes party on Friday and if I get drunk watching a soccer game at 10 in the morning I will be out of commission for most of Thursday. So I can't decide what to do.
Anyways, back to Saturday's game. Between the two of us we drank about 4 pitchers of German beer. Needless to say, we were both drunk. It was hilarious, and more fun than I've had in a while. Between the friendly insults exchanged with our neighboring fascist Italian fans who kept threatening to steal our beer and the laughter we shared over the fact that the ex was actually rooting for America for once (he's a leftist pinko commie, so it's a bizarre thing), it was an all around good time. If it weren't for the fascist Italian soccer players who felt the need to overact and just be plain corrupt match-fixing fascists (albeit gorgeous ones) I think we could have beat their asses, I was surprised at how well our team was doing, especially considering we were playing 9 to 10 towards the end. Of course, I also haven't played or even really watched soccer in years and had little to no faith in our team, so what do I know. Oh yeah, and I had about 2 pitchers of beer in me. And I just like screaming "FASCISTS!!!" at people. Oh and I did just read that De Rossi wrote a letter of apology for elbowing McBride in the face. Asshole.
But yeah, the inevitable happened. The drunker we got, the more flirtatious we got. Except instead of harmless drunken making out, which I have to admit I thought was a possibility, it led to an incredibly serious and emotionally charged conversation that has since left me in a bit of a shambles. Basically I am now faced with some even more tough decisions about what I want his role in my life to be, and I am more confused than a republican gay man.
I have since started a dialogue with myself about whether or not one can actually be friends with an ex. I am starting to think that perhaps there are some exes that you just cannot be friends with. Well, I guess it's all circumstantial. I've managed to stay good friends with the only other ex in my relationship history that actually matters besides this one, but he was a FOB who moved back to his country in North Africa like 3 years ago and hasn't been back since, so that kind of made it hard to be anything but friends. But I can honestly say I have no feelings for this man whatsoever, and even if I were to see him I don't think it would rekindle anything at all. Now as for the current ex, clearly he and I are not at a place where we can just be friends, and it makes me wonder if we ever will be. I've known him for 3 years and we have tried to date twice in that time period, basically failing miserably each time. Maybe we didn't wait long enough after our last break up to try to be friends? Or is there really some sort of inexplicable pull that keeps bringing us back to this? If there is, should we embrace it or ignore it? Will the third time be the charm? When is enough enough? I wish I could answer these stupid effin' questions.
To the few loyal readers that I do have, what are your thoughts on friendships with exes?
It all started because of World Cup Fever. I blame it on soccer. Ok, and beer. Ok and inexplicable chemistry between two polar opposites that makes no fucking sense whatsoever.
I have been being friendly with a particular ex-boyfriend who I have mentioned in passing several times. (This would be the one who likened my drunken antics to an NFL linebacker. Also the one whose sister and I don't seem to get along.) I've said it before and I'll say it again, we really make each other laugh like crazy, so I thought we could do the friend thing and you know, just be chill like that.
Have I ever mentioned before that sometimes I am the dumbest blonde in the history of blondes? Ever heard that joke, about the emergency at the mall, when the escalator broke down and a blonde got stuck for hours? Or how about the one where the blonde got stuck on the roof? You know, because she heard drinks were on the house? All these blondes getting themselves in crazy situations. I'm pretty sure these are all based on me and the various insane and/or stupid situations I manage to get myself into on a seemingly regular basis.
I was conversating with said ex-boyfriend over the internets while bored at work last week. We were talking about how we both wanted to watch the USA v. Italy match at a fun bar, but neither of us had anyone to go with. Somehow this inevitably led to us agreeing to go together. Part of me was skeptical, largely because I knew booze would get involved and it did occur to me that this had the potential to be a very dangerous equation. But I guess I just figured that we were mature adults who were above drunken escapades and that we could just, you know, BE CHILL. (I'm not going to start talking about how I'm a dumb blonde again despite it's relevance to the last sentence I just wrote.) So we agreed to meet around 1 and headed to Lucky Bar to catch the end of The Ghana v. Czech match and try to find seats (hahaha yeah that didn't happen) for the 3 pm USA game.
The bar was packed, the atmosphere was great. I-66 wasn't kidding when he described the goosebumps and good feelings one gets as an entire bar sings the National Anthem. If you can imagine a somewhat large bar with about 3 "floors" filled completely to probably twice its legal capacity if not more, all singing the National Anthem and chanting "USA", boy it was an amazing thing to be a part of and I am so glad I got to experience that. I also have to give mad props to the person who came up with the idea to start singing the Team America World Police theme song. It is a unique experience in its own to be in a bar full of drunks all screaming, "AMERICA!!! FUCK YEAH!!!!" at the top of their lungs. Oh if only I had had a video camera, it was priceless. I kind of want to go back for Thursday's match but it's at 10 am and A. I won't have anyone to go with that early, B. It's my birthday and I might want to sleep late, C. I have lots of preparations to make for the Champagne and Cupcakes party on Friday and if I get drunk watching a soccer game at 10 in the morning I will be out of commission for most of Thursday. So I can't decide what to do.
Anyways, back to Saturday's game. Between the two of us we drank about 4 pitchers of German beer. Needless to say, we were both drunk. It was hilarious, and more fun than I've had in a while. Between the friendly insults exchanged with our neighboring fascist Italian fans who kept threatening to steal our beer and the laughter we shared over the fact that the ex was actually rooting for America for once (he's a leftist pinko commie, so it's a bizarre thing), it was an all around good time. If it weren't for the fascist Italian soccer players who felt the need to overact and just be plain corrupt match-fixing fascists (albeit gorgeous ones) I think we could have beat their asses, I was surprised at how well our team was doing, especially considering we were playing 9 to 10 towards the end. Of course, I also haven't played or even really watched soccer in years and had little to no faith in our team, so what do I know. Oh yeah, and I had about 2 pitchers of beer in me. And I just like screaming "FASCISTS!!!" at people. Oh and I did just read that De Rossi wrote a letter of apology for elbowing McBride in the face. Asshole.
But yeah, the inevitable happened. The drunker we got, the more flirtatious we got. Except instead of harmless drunken making out, which I have to admit I thought was a possibility, it led to an incredibly serious and emotionally charged conversation that has since left me in a bit of a shambles. Basically I am now faced with some even more tough decisions about what I want his role in my life to be, and I am more confused than a republican gay man.
I have since started a dialogue with myself about whether or not one can actually be friends with an ex. I am starting to think that perhaps there are some exes that you just cannot be friends with. Well, I guess it's all circumstantial. I've managed to stay good friends with the only other ex in my relationship history that actually matters besides this one, but he was a FOB who moved back to his country in North Africa like 3 years ago and hasn't been back since, so that kind of made it hard to be anything but friends. But I can honestly say I have no feelings for this man whatsoever, and even if I were to see him I don't think it would rekindle anything at all. Now as for the current ex, clearly he and I are not at a place where we can just be friends, and it makes me wonder if we ever will be. I've known him for 3 years and we have tried to date twice in that time period, basically failing miserably each time. Maybe we didn't wait long enough after our last break up to try to be friends? Or is there really some sort of inexplicable pull that keeps bringing us back to this? If there is, should we embrace it or ignore it? Will the third time be the charm? When is enough enough? I wish I could answer these stupid effin' questions.
To the few loyal readers that I do have, what are your thoughts on friendships with exes?
posted by The Blonde Menace at 10:29 AM
13 Comments:
Not that I'm an expert, by any means, but from my experience I think that you can be friends with your ex, but it's tricky. If you're serious, you need to remember why you keep breaking up, and make a conscious effort to not fall back into the same old routines.
For me, that takes some self-discipline, so for a little while, I will only hang out with an ex when we're with a bunch of other people. Then after a while, either the feelings dissipate and we can be friends or I figure out that I don't really want to be friends.
I have tried a number of times and failed to be friends with exes. It doesn't work for me. I'm never suggesting it again. Someone's feelings will inevitably get back into it, and the other won't want it -- it's not been a good situation.
It's not healthy to be friends with an ex. Like I-66 said, someone's feelings will inevitably re-surface at some point.
I've never done so before, but I'm trying to at the moment because the guy is wonderful. We were great friends but terrible together. It also helps that he lives over an ocean. Hopefully all will work out for both of us! Good luck!
While I claim to be friends with some of my ex's, sometimes. I mostly find that it is like a re-run of last years tops shows. You remember all the good times and KNOW what is coming after the commercial break so it takes away from how you really might feel.
Break out, don't get sucked back into the "comfort" of being with him just to be with someone.
UGHHHH..I mean god forbid if you have to have the new "women" flaunt a engagment ring in your face. I am still VERY angry about that.
I know it's hard...but MOVE ON. ;o)
I have at least one friendship with an ex.
It can work, if both of you are committed to it working. That means you both have to be committed to doing it for the right reasons.
But in your case, I think there's a reason that you find yourselves drawn to each other over and over again. I also think there's a reason it doesn't work out each time. The second thing is usually the one you need to listen to.
"more confused than a Republican gay man"... I love it!
You won't like my comment. In the end, you have to ask yourself: "where's it gonna get ya?"
I mean, if you stay friends... will you stay friends forever? Will your respective partners understand? What about when you get married? Moreover, will the sexual tension ever let up?
The friends thing only works if you have some remaining lose connection, as in, you belong to the same club, volunteer for the same cause, or work at the same building. Then you HAVE to stay friends, or becomes even more awkward. As painful as it is, just keep in mind that drawing this out will only take up precious dating time from both your lives. You've tried it twice, and it didn't work. What makes you think it will work a third time? And if not, please I must ask again:
"Where's it gonna get ya????"
Give yourself a chance to meet great new guys. I'm sure I-66 knows a few equally enthusiastic soccer fans that would love to meet the blonde menace.
Bonne chance! RC
One day it just clicked, and I figured out why it's not possible to be friends with an ex. You can read the "rules" I came up with here. With this guy in particular (whom I'm friendly with, but not GOOD friends with...anymore) I get to see him and his girlfriend every time we end up at the same social events. It's very annoying.
I did an entire post on this a few weeks ago and got mixed reactions. I think its possible ONLY if you are not attracted to each other anymore and if enough time has passed. I have tried with a short term ex to be friends and its sort of worked and with a long term ex and its failed miserably...when we meet as "friends" we end up acting like we are still together and having those talks and then we are both crushed when we leave and realize we arent together and it doesnt work.
Sugar, I dont know...if the convos turne emotional even with booze involved...its prob not possible...at least not for a while. :-(
One of my exes is one of my favorite hang out partners. Another is a best friend by phone.
You can get to that place, but you might need to put a little more time (and new partners) between you first.
Realistically, whatever attracted you to the person (besides the hot sex) should still be happening so friendship is natural to me.
(I do have enemy exes who I wouldn't ever want to see again - but most of them are pretty cool dudes)
Extra note: Look at all the loyal readers you have... I'm jealous! (smile)
Oh wow I'm feeling all fuzzy because so many people responded and left advice!! Cheesy mental hugs to everyone! Ok I'm going to try to respond to each of your comments so this might get long.
Dara: Yeah I guess I'm kind of worried that we will fall back in to the same routine if we try to date again, I just can't decide whether he’s serious this time and it’s real and worth pursuing, or if it’s just going to dead end into the same kind of painful experience that we had last time.
I-66 and Anthony: You both make valid points. I couldn’t be friends with him for a while, and I wasn’t expecting his feelings to resurface or mine for that matter, now it’s just a freakin’ mess.
E: Yeah my other ex lives an ocean away; I think that made a huge difference in us being able to be friends.
Superstar: I think you have a point, I don't want to get sucked back in to an unhealthy relationship, but then I start to wonder if things would be different this time around if we both want it to work, and then I get confused, and that's when I usually break out the vodka.
Steve: I agree that there is definitely something that keeps bringing us back to each other, and I agree that there are various things that keep it from working, and I guess now I'm just confused as to whether or not we can work through the differences that have split us up in the past and if it's even worth it to try.
Rain: I think I am too much of an idealist. I know that logically I should be asking myself that exact same question, but my heart keeps telling me that love conquers all and all that bull shit, which is why I keep thinking that it could work if we both wanted it to.
Cappie: Ok that sounds like a sleazy ex right there. I think you are definitely better off not being friends with that one, hahaha.
Oss: I really like that post that you wrote. Rule number 3 in particular stood out to me, largely b/c I had somewhat recently entered a new stage where I had realized that I don't need him in my life and that I'm not sure I even really liked him as a person most of the time, I hadn't expected anything to come out of seeing him more than just laughter and soccer. I certainly didn't expect to find out he still has feelings for me, and now I don't know what to do with it all. I am quite thankful though that we run in completely different social circles so I would never have to face that situation, which I can imagine is no fun at all.
Kassy: Yeah I think he and I clearly can't be friends now, except now this has brought forth the idea that we might want to try to be together again, and I just don't know whether to run away from it all or to give it a shot. :-/
Jali: Part of me agrees with that, but part of me can't always separate the romantic feelings from the qualities the ex possesses that I like in general. And I feel so flattered that so many people took the time to seriously respond!!! *warm fuzzies*
Blonde Mess: Girl, you are too funny. I wish I could just use him but with this dude it always ends up getting so emotional. Oh well.
hmm, well, it seems you've been adviced nigh unto death already, but here goes.
the only ex i ever tried to become friends with has been my girlfriend for over 2 years now. it's fantastic, and i'm overwhelmingly glad that it ended up that way (i would have hated to lose her forever), but it was also not easy.
after months of tearing my brain apart trying to read into her every action and jumping when she said 'jump' i completely swore off of her. and after weeks of no contact, i was really and truly ready to be friends. i had gotten her out of my system.
it turns out that she had realized her mistake in the end and she convinced me to give her another chance. and it was the best day of my life (maybe i wasn't so over her, after all?)
anyway, long story short, the other posters here seem to hit every point on the spectrum on this one, and they all might be right. if you're going to go for it, make damn sure that you're both ready. nothing hurts worse than the same mistake twice. best of luck.
It is just a matter of knowing what you both are ready for and can handle.
And if there is enough doubt attached to it, then you already have the answer you need.
Know what I'm sayin'?
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