On sitting on Porsches and obnoxious asshats...

So we finally got some good corruptible interns here at work. I took them to Adams Morgan on Saturday and we all got drunk. My friend Chad came with us and we spent the night bouncing around between various random bars and then ended the evening in Jumbo Slice. The end of the evening is somewhat of a blur, I remember sitting on a Porsche outside of Jumbo Slice despite the fact that everyone was all "OMG DON'T SIT ON THE PORSCHE!!!" but in my drunkeness I decided that only a douche-bag would park his Porsche in front of the Mecca of drunken behavior (Jumbo Slice) and therefore deserved to have it sat on. I think one of the interns took a picture, it's probably a scary one. For some reason the cops blocked off the street so cabs couldn't get by, so we had to walk somewhere to try to find a cab. I say "somewhere" b/c at that point I really had no idea where we were. All I know is my nice new leopard print shoes were killing me so I was walking barefoot through the streets of Adams Morgan, complaining about how I was going to have to boil my feet when I got home to sanitize them. It took like 30 minutes to find the interns a cab, we were competing with a rather obnoxious fellow who kept trying to run to the cabs before we could. After getting the interns in a cab I finally found one after like 10 minutes and sure enough, the obnoxious fellow and his friend decide they are going to share the cab with me. The friend of Obnoxious Guy somehow saw the wallpaper on my phone (which is wierd b/c I wasn't sitting close to him or anything) which happens to be a picture of me in a pink trench coat shooting a rifle, and he then decided that he was in love with me. To the amsuement of the cab driver they tried so hard to get me to go home with them. Somehow I ended up giving the friend my business card, I don't know why b/c I wasn't attracted to him that much, I think I'm still just thrilled that I have my own business card so I am too eager to offer it up when asked. Anyways, so they figure out that they know people who live in the same apartment building as me. They start asking what apartment I'm in. I wasn't about to tell them, so they decided to tell me not to worry, that they would find me, all they had to do was knock on every door until I answered, or follow me in to the building. I'm sitting there, drunk, thinking to myself how fan-fucking-tastic it is that I am forced to share a cab with these assholes who are now threatening to stalk me, and how the hell do I get myself into these situations, and finally we get to my place. Both guys offered to pay for my portion of the cab fare but for some reason I decided to pay myself, I think I felt bad that the cab driver had to put up with so much obnoxious drunkeness. So anyways, I was about to get out of the car when Obnoxious Fellow, who was sitting in the front, turns around and starts reaching for me and starts saying something about me "sucking some cock." I then proceeded to flip the fuck out. "HOW DARE YOU TALK TO A LADY LIKE THAT!?!?!!! DOES YOUR MOTHER KNOW YOU TALK TO LADIES THIS WAY? DOES SHE KNOW YOU USE SUCH FOUL LANGUAGE WITH FEMALES? DO YOU DISRESPECT WOMEN? WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE TO TALK TO ME LIKE THAT??! YOU DISRESPECTFUL MOTHERFUCKER HOW DARE YOU!!!! I LET YOU IN MY CAB BITCH!" The wrath of a drunk Blonde Menace is scary. It's all a blur, but clearly it didn't occur to me that this man was trying to grab me, I was just so appalled at his bad manners that I sat there and screamed at him. Looking back, I'm somewhat surprised that the cab driver didn't do anything, although I'm not sure what he could have done. I tried to grab my business card back but was not quick enough, so I started yelling at him to give it back, so he ripped it and gave me 1/4 of it, so I screamed more, so then he gave me 1/2 of what was left. He looked like he was going to cry. He was trying to apologize for his friend I think but I was not having it. I then proceeded to run into my apartment building as fast as my newly blistered feet could carry me.

Needless to say I now find it all very amusing. Nothing like yelling at someone for disrespecting a lady and using FUCK as every other word while you're doing it. Ladylike indeed.

I am currently trying to grow some balls and call Elizabeth Arden to set up an appointment for a Brazilian bikini wax at some point before Saturday. I am being a chicken shit about it. Oh the torture we girls put ourselves through for boys.