An Alcoholic Linebacker???

It seems this pitiful blog now has somewhat of an audience, which causes a new kind of performance anxiety I am unfamiliar with. What if what I write isn't good enough for my new readers?

Well if that's the case then I can think of a few choice words for you, and none of them are kosher words at that. There goes my performance anxiety.

Anyhoo, I feel like I should say "Hi. Welcome." or something lame and toolbaggish like that. I don't know what blog protocol is. Is there such a thing as blog protocol? I'm a newbie to the blog world. I am not a newbie to blogs if you consider livejournal a blog, but I don't consider livejournal to be a blog. Livejournal is for when I am being emo and narcissistic and want to keep my friends from high school who now live all over the place updated on the fascinating goings-on of my life. This is different. I keep reading all these neat blogs too and I want to link to them but am not sure about protocol for that either. Do I have to ask someone first before I link to them on my page? Because if that's the case then I'm one lazy mo'fo and I'll end up never having a links section on my blog. As it is I'm being really lazy about figuring out how to set up the whole thing, fucking html, who has the time? The patience? Clearly I am of the brand of Americans that like things quick and easy, b/c html is just mind boggling and time consuming in my opinion. Fast food was made for people like me. Yeah there was that one freshman year website requirement thing that was done entirely in html, but that was a long time ago. Not to mention a royal pain in my arse. Ugh. Screw that. Of course I haven't spent more than 2 minutes looking at how to add links to this page which means I've probably just made myself look like a royal idiot b/c it is probably retardedly easy and I just wrote a whole thing about how it's too complicated for me. Ah well, whatever.

Anyways, so it's only my third post and I'm already writing another blog with an alcohol related title. Sad? Probably.

So I was just chatting with my ex-boyfriend over AIM today and the subject turned to me, or rather, me while drunk. Now, this particular ex-boyfriend and I have a long history. We have known each other for something like 3 years. We have dated twice, both times failing pretty miserably at anything resembling a normal healthy relationship. Yet we have been through a lot together and as much as we may hate each other sometimes there is no denying that we make each other laugh and I figure it can be hard to find people sometimes that really REALLY make you laugh, so best not to let stupid past-relationship drama get in the way of what could be a normal healthy friendship, and one that really makes us laugh at that. At least that's my logic. If you read about my adventure on the baggage claim then you know my logic can sometimes be skewed.

So, back to the topic of conversation, me while drunk. See ex-boyfriend has been there through some rough times for The Menace. The Menace used to have a teensy weensy boozy problem: I went to college and got drunk all the time. Oh, you did too? Well, it seems I have a flair for the dramatic, and this gets UBER amplified while I am incredibly drunk, and by incredibly drunk I mean shitfaced, which is no fun for anyone, including myself. So I was joking around about my last drunk stunt that involved... actually, I'm not going to get into that. So basically he tells me that I remind him of a linebacker when I am drunk. I got confused. While I am a brilliant Blonde there is only so much knowledge my beautiful skull can hold; sports unfortunately falls to the wayside. So he sent me this link: http://youtube.com/watch?v=AatXR6N0xFM&search=footballs%20greatest%20hits

This little video montage is made up entirely of huge ass men in skin tight uniforms plowing into each other. All to the tunes of Prodigy, of course. (Although I have to say I think it would have been far more appropriate to use "smack my bitch up" instead of the song they used) This, to describe me, the daintiest and most lady-like of blondes. Oh the shame, oh the outrage.

And, to add insult to injury, I showed my supervisor, who, after laughing, said, "Yeah I can see that." I need to stop sharing things with my supervisor. I have a big mouth.

Ok so maybe I'm not such a dainty and lady-like blonde. At least not ALL the time. But I hardly think I am out to "destroy things" when I get drunk, as the ex so eloquently put it. So maybe once in a while I get a little klepto and "borrow" lighters from the gas station when I think they aren't looking, and ok yeah sometimes I've made out with a chick or two but you know, who hasn't.... And there was that one time at Citron that got us all kicked out... Actually, now that I think of it, all of my friends have gotten us kicked out of Citron at one point or another, so that's a bad example.

This is actually how I became known as The Blonde Menace. Like many great ideas, it began with booze. I believe it was my dear old friend Khalil who coined the phrase in reference to me and one of my partners in crime, Menace # 2. She and I are are bad news blues when combined, but in the best possible way of course. We are a force to be reckoned with. We have a blast. We get dolled up, we go to bars, and then all sorts of crazy shit happens. Sometimes I don't know how we get ourselves in the predicaments we end up in, but then I remember: oh yeah, we were drunk.

Anyways I had some points I was going to make but got called away from my ever busy job of being everyone's bitch and have since forgotten them.

All I know is it's hard as hell not to drink a lot when all of your friends are blossoming alcoholics. And now that even more of them have graduated from school and are joining the ranks of 9to5er's it only means one thing: more people to go to happy hour with after work.

What is a girl to do?

Join them.